


All messed up

by espressowords



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anger, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 19:21:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1994844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/espressowords/pseuds/espressowords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of Season 3B, Lydia is the only one who seems to be grieving for Allison's death. <br/>But Stiles is grieving his own personal stuff. The Nogitsune did things that he can't forgive himself for. <br/>Both of them visit the cemetery every day, until the day they see each other in the graves of their loved ones.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All messed up

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is an idea that I got from a post on tumblr, so basically I read it and I thought this could be fanfic material. 
> 
> The post is here: http://stilesmcalll.tumblr.com/post/92396113235/but-have-you-considered-lydia-and-stiles   
> so you should thank the author of that marvelous yet tragic post. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this as much as I did. 
> 
> The first chapter is kind of an introduction. 
> 
> I really hope you like it.

“There is a lot going on here…” Lydia lets go a sigh, not from relief, but from pain.

Her chest has been causing her to struggle at breathing. For days. Even weeks. She knows the cause, but she can’t just burst out to anyone about this. She had this one person. But he seems long gone for her. And the only anchor she once had, is long gone too.

“Scott’s kind of dating Kira now… You should see their faces. All happy and cheerful around each other.” Another sigh, followed by a tear. “But Scott is in pain too. He may not tell me about it, but I know he is. Just like the rest of us.” She lays her hand over the cold grave and leaves it there for some time. She needs to feel her close, and this is the closest they have been since that night. Since the night she left.

Lydia is aware that spending her mornings next to her grave won’t do anything but make her feel worse and worse, but she can’t help herself. She lost so much that night, and yet no one seems to care enough about it. No one has asked her. No one had the decency to ask a simple and genuine ‘how are you doing, Lydia?’.

All they ever care about is Scott. Scott may have been her boyfriend, but Lydia was her best friend. And Lydia fought until the end, just the same as Scott, to save her. But they couldn’t. And now the only one who ever visits her grave is her.

“It’s funny, huh?” Lydia says with a sob. “They only care while you are alive. But when you are dead… Everything’s gone. Everything you had, everything you said and were… All vanished. Everything becomes dust.” She takes out a tissue from her pocket. “You know we never actually did a funeral for you, and I wish we did. But your dad buried you here, and then he left. He never told us what he did, and I had to find this on my own. I had to find my best friend’s grave…” Lydia sinks her face between her hands, purging away the urge of crying. Another time.

She can’t keep going like this. But she is so screwed up. She struggles every morning to get out of bed. She doesn’t have any interest in studying anymore. Not even in talk-fighting with Stiles. She doesn’t want to go bowling, nor buying new clothes.

“You would kick my ass out of bed every morning.” Lydia chuckles, awkwardly. “But I guess you are not here anymore.”

∆∆

“I am mad, mom.” Stiles says, sitting in front of the grave he has visited for years. “I guess this is not the way things were supposed to be. And I am mad about it. I have never been like this. Last year was a hell for me. If you could only knew all the things that happened…if you could only be here and listen to them…” he shakes his head and lays his hands, both of them, over the grass.

It’s the fourth visit this week. And it’s only Tuesday. He has never visited his mother’s grave so many times in a row. But after everything, the nogitsune and… the other thing. He must visit his mom. She is the only one who listens without judging. She is the only one who ever listens to him. She may not answer, or give him a pat on his back, but at least, it’s the only place where he can bent out about everything. Anytime.

“I got possessed by an evil spirit and I did stuff I deeply regret. Stuff that I know will haunt me for the rest of my life. I hurt Scott, and all my friends. And one of them died. Probably, well, not probably, but because of me. I don’t know what happened, but I remember all of it, and I remember not being able to get out. Not being able to move, nor act. Not being able to stop the pain.” Stiles lows down his head, staring at the grass he’s pulling with his hands. “Why couldn’t I do something? Why couldn’t I? Why am I always hurting the people I love the most? Dad… dad was in agony, he thought he was going to lose me too, because of the same thing that took your life. And he was so lost and I couldn’t stop it.”

“And Scott… I sunk a sword deep inside his stomach. I do not know why, well, I do not know, but the Nogitsune did. And again, I couldn’t stop it. I had to watch my best friend in pain. A pain that I caused. And shit mom, I kicked the hell out of his fox girlfriend.” He shakes his head, frustrated.

He hasn’t felt like this since his mom died. There are a lot of things going on in Beacon Hills. And he can’t even figure out how to do one right. 

Allison died because of the Oni he had on his control. They killed her because he commanded them. But he can’t change that. And he knows that night will follow him straight into his grave.

Malia… He doesn’t know what to do with Malia. Does he really love her or is this just a way to make something right? He wronged so many rights that this feels like the only way to redeem himself from all the pain he caused.

But again, he causes pain by being with Malia.

“I still love her, you know?” Stiles mutters, biting his inner cheek. “She is still the ray of sunshine that lights me up every morning at school. But I am still afraid to tell her what I feel. I am still scared as a chicken. Because I hurt her too. I hit her. I kidnapped her. And I do not think she will ever forget me about that.”

Stiles gets up from the ground, staring at his mother’s grave for one last time. For today, at least. He starts walking away and while he is leaving, he spots a familiar figure standing in front of another grave. A grave he never visited.

He walks silently towards that person, towards the unknown grave. As he approaches the figure, a strawberry blond girl takes the shape of that girl. A strawberry blond girl wearing a floral dress with ankle brown boots.

A strawberry blond girl standing in front of a grave. Crying. 

“Lydia?” Stiles says hesitantly.

The girl turns around, her eyes and cheeks red, sobbing. She walks slowly towards Stiles, but ends up running to where he is.

Stiles opens his arms to receive her, to get her inside his life-force field. To protect her like he had always wanted to.

“She is gone, Stiles.” Lydia says as she wraps herself inside Stiles’s arms. “She really is gone.” She lets go a sob, a sob that pierces through Stiles’s chest, diving inside his heart and soul.

“I know, Lydia…” Stiles says, blinking away the tears pooled in his eyes.


End file.
